The 40-minute drive home from the grocery store was long enough to convince me I had made a mistake.
At Fred Meyer, the cashier took about 3 times as long as he probably should have to complete my purchase (he was in the home/garden section and hadn’t scanned groceries in a while). The gentleman standing behind me was playing hip-hop music loud enough for me to hear, through what—a phone, earbuds, a portable stereo—I’ll never know because I didn’t turn around.
Let’s back up a little. Yesterday I came across this Instagram post from my old church.
And along with it, a video from Jose encouraging people to invite everyone they know to this outreach event.
When I read it, I felt kind of sad, because I literally know no one in the town I live in, and I don’t really have any nonbelieving people to whom I consistently minister, who I would invite to such an event (if we were even able to attend).
Then today, while in line (for like 20 minutes), the idea popped into my mind to ask the man behind me if he liked hip-hop, and if he’s heard of Lecrae, and maybe tell him about this free event up in Portland.
But that’s kind of weird. I usually don’t talk to people I don’t know unless I’m in need of information or something. It’s kind of socially unacceptable to just start talking to strangers about their social lives. Plus, I’m a woman, he’s a dude. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.
But…
a) If I only talk to people when I need something, that’s totally a view of using people, rather than serving them. Lame. What if he actually needed something from me? What if he’s never heard the Gospel? What if this one strange event could’ve set off a chain reaction in his life, where he could’ve met Jesus?
and
b) Jesus definitely talked to women in a society where it would’ve been considered inappropriate, and he never wondered if they would think he was flirting with them.
But I let my fear of awkward social interactions stop me. Even though I really had nothing to lose. Except for my 18 minutes of standing there awkwardly while the cashier struggled to ring up my groceries.
And as I walked away, I wondered what he looked like. If his face showed his need for Jesus.
I thought of my friend’s dad, who once shared with me a story of his interaction with a psychic and his regret that he told her off as a scam artist telemarketer rather than share the Gospel with her.
I thought of the verse in Scripture, James 4:17,
“If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.”
I’ve been praying and pondering about the purpose of this move to the coast—thinking it can’t just be for my husband’s professional growth, there has to be some purpose for me as well. And I had come to the conclusion that maybe I’m supposed to minister to someone here.
Today I had that opportunity. And I missed it. I didn’t follow the Holy Spirit nudge. I let fear get the best of me.
It’s a good thing God’s plans aren’t foiled when we mess up once. It’s a good thing God is a God of second chances (and 490th chances). Next time, I pray I’ll have the courage to do the awkward thing.
Father, thank You for not allowing a giant fish to swallow me as I ran away from the opportunity You gave me to tell someone that You love them. Thanks for having more grace for me than You did for Jonah. Help me to do better next time.
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